The Only Question You Need To Ask Yourself.

Stop BelievingWhat most of us don’t really realize is that to our subconscious mind, everything we think is real.

When you imagine an event, your subconscious mind cues your body to create the chemical reactions that create your emotions including anxiety, happiness and everything else in between.

Worrying is essentially telling ourselves a scary story that our bodies react to as if it were real and anyone who has ever been stuck in worry story, can testify as to the very real affect it has on our bodies and our emotions.

So many of the things that we react to are really nothing more than a story in our heads.

“I don’t think she really likes me.”

“Maybe he thinks that I’m rejecting him.”

“If I fail, it’s going to be a disaster.”

Get the picture?

All of these types of thoughts whether it’s worry about what someone thinks of us or labeling ourselves and our behaviours, is just a story about what we imagine may happen or may be real.

The more you play into the power of your story, the more you will believe it and you will react to your story as if it were real.

We can make ourselves absolutely miserable with of our stories; anxious, resentful, sad and stuck.

But there is a powerful way to break the spell of your story and get back to what is real by asking yourself this one question:

Is it true?
This story that I am creating in my mind that is causing me to feel this way, is it true?

Do I know for certain that what I am thinking is real or is it just a story that I am telling myself about what might happen or what might be real?

By challenging your story and asking is it true, you pull yourself back into the moment and all of the other possibilities.

The only real way to know what someone is thinking or feeling is to ask them.

If you are telling yourself a story about what someone else feels or thinks or may do, you are in the middle of your story and out of touch with what is real right now.

Here’s my challenge to you.

Start asking yourself the question “is this true?” next time you find yourself stuck in a story that is making you feel anxious or miserable.

If you are still not certain whether it’s true or not, follow up by asking yourself “am I absolutely certain under all conditions that this is true?”

The power of our stories always fades, when we get back to what is real, ask questions instead of imagining we know the answer and staying right here in the present moment.

By doing this, your life will become so much more enjoyable, peaceful and happy.

Are you stuck in your stories of what might happen or what other people may think? Then book yourself in today for a Complimentary Consult with me and talk about how to get you unstuck.

Kerry Jeffery

Love Transforms Life Coaching

Does acceptance really mean giving up?

AcceptanceAny time that I talk to clients about the concept of acceptance, I immediately see their resistance and barriers start going up!

Common reactions are usually angry; “How can I accept this? I hate it”

OR anxious;

“But that will mean that they won’t stop” OR defeated;

“But that will mean nothing will ever change.”

This is because most people confuse acceptance with resignation.
Here’s the difference:

Resignation:
Often comes before acceptance, but it feels powerless.

You hit the wall and resign yourself to the fact that things are the way they are but you feel that there is nothing that you can do to help yourself or change the situation. You may even believe that things can never, ever get better, that nothing ever works out for you and so you do the best you can to go on.

Resignation feels heavy, depressing, sad, guilty and you can feel trapped.

Acceptance:
Understanding that YOU have choice. Acceptance feels powerful.

You hit the wall, but you understand that even though you can’t change the people around you or the situation, you can change your own attitude towards yourself and what you do in your situation.

Here’s an example:
You feel fat and frumpy. It doesn’t matter what you do, you just can’t seem to change your body. If you could just lose the weight, everything would be ok, but it just won’t budge.  You are constantly complaining to your partner about your body and your weight and how unattractive you feel. It feels like it’s ruining your life and your health.

Resignation Attitude:
You give up. You believe that there is nothing you can do to change the way you are. You stop taking care of yourself and sink into depression and apathy. You focus solely on how you look, not on how you feel, and you think you look fat and ugly. You have a litany of criticism constantly running through your head and it never seems to end.

You say that you accept that this is the way it is but you increasingly feel bitter, resentful, hate yourself and compare yourself constantly to others and you feel powerless.

Acceptance Attitude:
You accept that this is the way that your body is right now and you decide that even if you never lose another gram, you are going to look after you. You start making fresh, healthy food that you enjoy. You throw out all the clothes that don’t fit and find ones that suit your body shape in colors and fabrics that you love.

You take 100% responsibility for your health and make choices that decrease your stress and increase your happiness. You do more things that make you feel good. You accept that your body is really at your mercy, so you decide to do your best to make it’s job of keeping you strong and healthy, as easy as possible. You focus on how you want to feel instead of how you want to look.

Acceptance is saying to yourself; “Ok, right now THIS is how it is. What can I do right now and in the future, to make this as easy, comfortable or better for ME as I can?

How can I support myself more in this situation? What steps can I take to help myself? What resources can I use or call on? Who can I find to help me help myself?

See the difference?

Acceptance is such a powerful and amazingly freeing attitude!

If you need help with shifting from resignation and upgrading your acceptance skills, contact me.

Kerry Jeffery.
www.lovetransformslc.com

How much are you willing to be loved?

Every now and then, you hear something that really stops you in your tracks and makes you think.

At this years “I Can Do It” conference in Melbourne, Robert Holden gave me one of my most fabulous “Ah-HA!” moments that I have had in quite a while.

Robert had been talking about love and how we all want to be loved and the significance of how your belief (if you have one) in the God of your understanding being an all loving and all forgiving force is so comforting.

He posed the following question:

“On a scale of 1 to 100%, how much to do YOU believe that God loves you?”

Feeling quite smug, I quickly came up with 100%. Yes, the God of my understanding, call him/her/it what you will, loves me 100%. Absolutely. 100%!

Then Robert posed his second question which blew me away.

“On the same scale, 1 to 100%, how much do you ALLOW God to love you?”

This question hit me right between the eyes, especially as a therapist who works with the tools and concepts of self-love, being deserving and worthy.

When I checked in with myself, the percentage of how much I ALLOWED myself to be loved and feel loved did not even make the 50% mark. So I took the question further.

How loved do I allowed myself to feel from everyone else in my life?

As comfortable as I was at GIVING love, telling people I love them, giving affection and support, there were blocks within me, getting in the way of allowing me to fully RECEIVE their love, that I had no idea that I had, until that point in time and that question from Robert.

This was a powerful, transformative moment that set me off to do more work on myself to discover what those blocks were and how to get them out of my way.

Feeling loved is all about feeling DESERVING.

We are taught to give, but we are not taught to truly receive and ALLOW all of the good feelings and gorgeousness that comes from someone expressing to you that YOU matter to them. That they SEE you and acknowledge you and are grateful for who you are.

We do it with strangers when we dismiss a compliment without thought or acknowledgment.

We do it with friends when they want to be there to help us or support us when we feel broken and vulnerable but we don’t ask or tell.

We do it with our children and the people who really love us because, at some level, we don’t really believe that we deserve it or that they don’t really see how flawed and unloveable we are.

So here is YOUR challenge. Answer these questions for yourself:

1. Out of 100% how much do I LOVE the people in my life?

2. Then out of 100%, how much do I allow myself to receive their love?

If the figures are different, ask yourself why?

Do I feel deserving of love and appreciation?

Do I feel that I am loveable and worthwhile?

Then, challenge yourself to truly allow and feel deserving of the love and support and affection and appreciation you are given.

  • Start asking for help, support and reassurance when you need it.
  • When you get hugs, SINK into the hug and the moment and let it fill you up. Relax and truly feel it.
  • Accept compliments with a simple “thank you” and let the compliment in!

Endless giving leaves you feeling empty and depleted, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Truly allowing yourself to feel loved and believing you are worthy and deserving fills you up and recharges your soul.

Need help feeling loved and deserving?

My Signature Heal Your Life Coaching Program will give you all the practical skills and tools you need to really feel worthy and let that love in.

http://www.lovetransformslc.com/heal-your-life-signature-coaching.php

I would love you to leave me a comment about any “Ah-Ha” insights you have about how much you deserve to feel loved.

Kerry

What do you do when the wheels fall off? How to get yourself back on track.

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It’s been a while between blogs.

In fact, it’s been a while between doing anything really, except for the basic necessities to keep body, soul, family and sanity together for quite a few weeks around here.

Every now and then, things will happen that will throw you off kilter, challenge your coping skills and lead you down the path of overwhelm.

Too much to do, too much to think about, too many emotions and issues to deal with and it all

just

becomes

too

much.

For me, it’s been a number of cumulative things. Running a business on my own and all that it entails, juggling work, family, study, housework, clients and quite unexpectedly, my Aunt passed away after a very sudden illness that no one imagined would so quickly take her life.

After organizing child care so I could drive interstate mid week to support my father who had just lost his sister, the challenge of a 7 hour drive on unfamiliar roads to a place I have never been before, to meet relatives in grief who I do not really know and the strange situation of staying in my Aunts house which was exactly as it was when she walked out the door to go to hospital and didn’t come back, the wheels of my normal life began to come off.

All of these things combined, sent me on a very gentle, but continuous slide into overwhelm.  Not in a sudden, massive crash but more of a slow deflation of energy, motivation, concentration and commitment.

I felt tired and “foggy” in the head.

I wanted to sleep a lot more than usual and stay in bed.

My regular routines for getting things done dissolved and everything I had been planning to do got stuck in the land of “I’ll get around to it later” and later never arrived.

Once I realized what was happening, I knew that I had to begin honoring my emotions, listening to my body and allowing myself the time that I needed to take the pressure off and slow things down.

I needed to drastically pare back the list of “things to do” to the bare essentials and give myself time to just be and feel and be gentle with myself.

I needed time to talk with trusted friends about my feelings and work through them.

I needed to give myself lots of self love, support and nourishment.

In short, I needed all those tools that I have used over the years and teach my clients to use to overcome the overwhelm in their lives.

Overwhelm is a sign that things in your life are out of balance.

Too much doing and not enough being.

Too much work and not enough play.

Too much giving and not enough receiving.

Too much stress and too many demands and not enough stillness and quiet and peace.

It is easy to change when life is good. It’s only when the wheels fall off that you realise the real power of all the tools and skills that you need to stay balanced, happy and productive, lies in using them.

Not as a theory, not as talking endlessly about the problems and the issues but in assessing your situation, knowing what tools to use, dredging them out of your consciousness and taking the action steps that give them their magic to help.

So how do you overcome overwhelm? What tools do you use to get your life back on track?

  • Cull your “to do” list with extreme prejudice! Do the minimum necessary to keep things ticking over so that you can give yourself more time for self care and self love.
  • Delegate immediately. Start asking for help to share the load at work and at home. Stop trying to be superwoman or superman and start admitting that you are human, you have limits and you can’t do it all! Allow others help you and refuse any feelings of guilt or self criticism. Give those you love the opportunity to step up and give you the help you need.
  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability, feeling emotionally fragile, tired and overwhelmed is NOT a weakness. Its just a sign that you need some extra TLC or that things are out of balance in your life. Reaching out for help and support when you need it, admitting that you are not coping is a sign of STRENGTH.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others. NOW! It’s so easy to look at the surface of other people’s lives and imagine how wonderful their life is. The truth is, you truly do not know what is going on inside. Look at the recent story of Angelina Jolie putting her private ordeal of choosing a double mastectomy to avoid breast cancer out into the public to try to help other women struggling with the same potential issue. Looking at the surface of her life, she seems to have it all, wealth, beauty and Brad Pitt but we can only imagine the pain, stress and emotions she went though to make that difficult choice. When you compare yourself with others, you are only comparing your life against a story you have made up about who they are and how they live. It’s not fair to you and it’s also not fair to them.
  • Give yourself lots and lots of self love and support. In times of overwhelm, your inner critic is always looking for ways to attack you and pull you down a little bit more. Crush your inner critic flat the minute she opens her mouth and refuse to listen. Give yourself lots of praise and kindness, rest and do things that make you feel good and that you enjoy. Treat yourself with tenderness and support the same way you would with anyone else that you love and care for.

Need some self love skills?

Sign up for my newsletter and get immediate access to a FREE, video mini workshop with me, teaching you a powerful tool for self love that you can start using now!

Go to www.lovetransformslc.com and start getting out of your overwhelm and back on track.